Anxiety and Faith
- Cecilia Mondloch
- Aug 13, 2017
- 5 min read
In my Senior year of high school I took a creative writing course. I very much enjoyed it (as you can guess by the fact I’m currently writing a blog) and it inspired many new pieces of mine. One piece I wrote for the class hit home in my heart and really caused me to stop and reflect. One of the last assignments of that class was to write a memoir about yourself. Of course, being the Jesus Freak I am, I just had to write about religion. But I had to really think about what part of religion I wanted to discuss. Everyone has many facets to their faith- it is never simple- and I really wanted to talk about a specific point of my faith. But what?
I ended up titling the piece Anxietatem et Fidei, which is Latin for Anxiety and Faith. I won’t be sharing that piece with you today (I’m sorry to tease you like that), but perhaps someday I will.
Today I want to focus on this question:
Does my anxiety make me a bad Christian?
The story of Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42) always bothered me, even before I started experiencing anxiety. Why chastise a woman for simply trying to serve you? Why commend a woman for just sitting there (being lazy- my thought). After my anxiety got bad, it upset me even more. Does that mean Martha is a bad Christian? Does that mean I am?
It took me a long time to understand why Christ said what he did in this passage. I feel I might finally have it right when it comes to that passage.
One thing I’ve always struggled with- especially because of my anxiety- is overthinking things. I sometimes think maybe if I do enough good deeds and jump through enough hoops, it might make God happy. I think that’s what Martha might be doing in this passage. Perhaps she thinks "if I cook Him food and clean my home and fluff His pillows it might make Him happy" and so she hustles around the house, working and cleaning and worrying, only to forget that He is right there, just wanting her to sit with Him. That’s what we need to remember. Prayer and good deeds isn’t about jumping through hoops to make God happy, it’s sitting next to Him and listening to Him speak.
Imagine the peace Mary must’ve felt; resting her head at His feet, listening to the soft rumble of His voice.
So we shouldn’t worry and overthink when it comes to pleasing God- we should just rest at His feet. But that’s easier said than done when you have a mental illness or too much stress. And that still doesn’t answer the original question: Did that make Martha a bad Christian? Does that make me a bad Christian?
I have heard more than once that “Fear not”, “Peace be with you”, and other variations are written 365 times in the Bible. That’s one for every day.
Now whether this is true is beside the point and I certainly don’t plan on counting. So for the sake of this piece, let’s assume it’s true.
God tells us 365 times in the Bible to not have anxiety. That must help. It certainly means He doesn’t want us to worry. But what about those of us with the mental illness? Sometimes someone telling me to calm down only makes things worse. But the thought that God doesn’t want me to worry is a comfort, even though it doesn’t help much.
So because God doesn’t want me to worry, does that mean I’m disobeying Him by having anxiety attacks and busying myself?
Now I have a confession to make: when I first began experiencing anxiety, it caused my emotions to run high and hot. There were times I would go to Adoration simply to yell at God, to ask Him what is going on, and to beg Him to take this from me. I somehow blamed my God for the horrible things going on in my mind. Now I regret this, even though I know God has already forgiven me.
A common question for people to ask us Christians is “Why do bad things happen? If God is all knowing and all loving why did my cousin die, why did that earthquake happen, why does my parent suffer from depression?” This questions corresponds very closely, if not the very same question I had all those years ago. I know now that God does not control those things. God would never make these bad things happen to us. But He can (and will) take these bad things and make something good out of it. That’s what God does. And I love Him for it.
If your cousin died, maybe now s/he’s happy in heaven. And maybe you grew from that sad experience. If that earthquake was devastating, maybe a hero came out of it, helping and saving people, restoring somebody’s faith in humanity. As for the parent with depression? I can tell you from personal experience that sometimes the loved one with depression is the one that loves the strongest.
I have digressed so let me make my point: this anxiety is not God’s fault. But maybe He can make something good out of this.
But if it’s not God’s fault, is it mine?
Now maybe we should finally look at the Church’s definition of sin. In my opinion, the Church’s definition of a mortal sin is the cleanest and easiest to understand, so I’ll use that.
“For a sin to be mortal, three conditions must together be met: "Mortal sin is sin whose object is grave matter and which is also committed with full knowledge and deliberate consent."” (CCC 1857)
So tell me, did you give deliberate consent to have an anxiety attack? No?
Did you know anxiety may or may not lead you away from God? No?
Did you you say ‘I’m going to worry too much’? No?
Having anxiety is not a sin.
Please keep in mind that this mental illness may sometimes lead to sin. For example, it was a sin to blame God for my anxiety.
But please, please do not blame yourself, or God, or your friends or family for this. Bad things happen. Christ knows this.
You are not a bad Christian for having anxiety. Please do not allow your anxiety to tell you so.
Christ will remind you to sit and rest. Christ will tell you every day to not be afraid. Christ will listen to you as you beg through tears. And Christ will make something good out of this.
Comments